Trying to function with a broken heart and directing your energy in the right direction are two completely different tasks that seem as though they will never coincide.
It's definitely true when they say that 'time heals all' -- the difficult part however, is waiting for that time to pass. Minutes seem like hours, and hours seem likes days. Days seem like years and before you know it, life as you see it, is over. Looking back, it's amazing how much of a physical and emotional toll relationships take on individuals. When they're winding down or coming to an end it feels like a literal heart attack, leaving you senseless and exhausted, not knowing how you did simple things like tying your shoes without this person. But, I think, that question right there defines the beauty of every relationship as well.
Having a barrier and keeping it shut to the world is extremely easy. Not answering to anyone but myself and doing every thing that I want is the best part of being single right? Wrong. I think we all put up guards because no one wants to be hurt, and this is so true. But if we don't allow ourselves to be hurt, like truly sick to the pit of our stomachs hurt, then how will we know this is the person, who, given the opportunity to make us cry, only wanted to see us smile? This is my problem. I constantly try to remind myself that I need to 'love like I've never been hurt,' but the minute I do, and the minute it hurts, I want to curl up in a ball and die. After I'm done dying, I want to come back to life and never give anyone the opportunity to see my soul again.
The beauty of this faulty mentality, is that God always has something else in store for us. He takes all your negative energy, and turns it into positive energy that you can invest in what you see fit, but He's still watching you to make sure you don't forget how to love. If that doubt arises in His mind, he opens the heavens and sends someone down to remind you that love is the most beautiful emotion you can feel for another human being. When I thought that I was no longer capable of opening myself up for a man, God stopped me in my tracks and sent down the most angelic man, and I couldn't help but be mesmerized by every little thing about him. His smile, his strength, his intellect, the love that he felt for all those people who were nearest and dearest to his heart all strengthened this gravitational attraction that attached me to him.
I know that I will always look back to him with such beautiful and fond memories because he helped me open my mind and heart in a way that I didn't want too. He never asked to see my soul, but I wanted to stand in front of him to let him see everything. I wanted to share all the things I didn't even know were hiding inside of me. A lot of people say 'you're my everything' but this statement wasn't more true until I met him. I not so secretly hope that one day he reads all these posts and knows exactly what he means to me. He holds a very special place in my heart and it will always be his home. I miss him and I hope to hear from him soon.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Investing My Energy
Sunday, September 23, 2012
To the Universe..
Normally my blogs are only written for make up articles and things related to health and lifestyle. This blog will have something to do with lifestyle, but nothing about the rest. The greatness about this blog is that no one reads it, but my thoughts and emotions will be out in the universe for the universe to encompass. It's been an extremely long time since I have opened myself up, enough to let a man into my inner thoughts and see my soul. Just when I thought that God made someone for everyone, except for me, he opened the heavens and sent me you. You, a man who possesses all the qualities that I didn't even know I wanted in a person. Your beauty, your strength, your talents and your personality are all your assets that you are not even aware of. Maybe I was overcome by the fact that, for the first time, in an extremely long time someone looked at; looked at me in the way that I thought no one ever would. Maybe it was the fact that when I first saw you -- the moment you sat in the car I was so overwhelmed by your presence and your beauty, I wasn't sure what to do with myself. Maybe it was the fact that when our eyes finally locked there was an unnatural gravitational pull that drew me to you, and there was nothing I could do. I was drawn to you like a moth to a flame, even though that flame would have burned me. You were all I knew and you were all I wanted to know. Somewhere in getting to know you, I lost me, and ultimately I lost you, and now all I can do is put a few words on paper to try to make it right. We decided to try this out knowing that neither one of us was perfect, and that if there was a difficulty we were going to try and work it out together. Together is the part that I'm having trouble with. When there was a smaller issue we sat and tried to work it out, and you told me you weren't a quitter, but then the second you found a way out, you left without turning back and even trying. I won't sit here and ask you to stay if this isn't where you want to be, but we both deserve to make this work beyond what is going on. We both deserve to make a valiant effort one last time to see if we can make this work. I owe this to you, and you owe this to me. Please take the time that you need in order to make sure you're completely satisfied with where you want to be and if you'd like to be with me, but I need to have faith in the fact that you will try to give this relationship one more chance -- that you will give me one more shot to try and make things right between us. There was something completely magical between us; please remember that and believe in the unknown just one more time with me.
